wow. great start. I think this one works real good without punctuation...the flow sounds beautiful aloud. My suggestion would be to replace the newly mown grass bit...sounds too modern for Lilith's old-world style, you know? Otherwise, I'm liking it a lot.
Thanks, Drew! I was trying to work in some of greg's suggestions to include some more contemporary references to draw in the modern reader, but I happen to agree with your take on it.
Still fighting with myself about punctuation. To use it? Not to use it?
ReplyDeletewow. great start. I think this one works real good without punctuation...the flow sounds beautiful aloud. My suggestion would be to replace the newly mown grass bit...sounds too modern for Lilith's old-world style, you know? Otherwise, I'm liking it a lot.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Drew! I was trying to work in some of greg's suggestions to include some more contemporary references to draw in the modern reader, but I happen to agree with your take on it.
ReplyDelete